i want you to hold me in your arms
tell me things will be okay
knowing that you'll always be there for me
but i know it'll never be that way

because when i look
you're no longer there
i'm left alone
there's only empty stares

just screw life. i really find no enjoyment in things i used to like. when i think of what happened, somehow all the stuff that i wasn't happy with that i've managed to suppressed all come rushing back in a torrent of memories. i've really tried not to think about it, but at moments when you're alone or allow your mind to wander, i feel the hurt and the sadness again.

somehow this situation makes me more aware of my shortcomings. coupled with everything that's disappointed me in the past, i'm finding it hard to move on. it scares me the way i'm feeling because i never dreamt that i would feel this way. i never thought it'll hit me so hard. but it has.

i laugh on the outside so you can't see me crying inside.

I know myself. I know how I believe that life should be enjoyed and unhappy things not to be dwelled on. I realised that a) i really talk a lot of crap that i don't really believe in b) i'm being over dramatic again

somehow it doesn't seem like it's option B. the rational part of me is telling myself to get a grip and just suck it up. the confused / self depressive side of me is willing to wallow in that self pity that i hate but find necessary in everyday life. it really is easier to say "move on you git" than actually do it. berating myself doesn't help either.

guess time will tell. perhaps time really does heal all wounds.

but other than that, i'm just tired of everything.

i once said that i was tired of trying.
haha, there IS no trying anymore.
even if i wanted to try, i can't.
the situation doesn't give me room to do that.

now i'm just tired.